"If heaven's a banquet,
will I have to do dishes?"
That's all Catholic mom Susie Lloyd wants to know. Marriage and motherhood have taught her the rest, including the things that are most important in life: "Metaphysical realities like the existence of God can get along without my help. Cleaning the bathroom can't."
Homeschooling her kids has left Susie wise beyond her years: she's learned why pi is square instead of round, and searched out the best places to buy a cow's eyeball for the science fair. "In fact," she says, "Socrates had it easy. His students never interrupted him to go to the bathroom or ask when lunch was."
Susie's husband is always there to support her: "Greg tells me education would have no purpose if kids didn't start out ignorant. He seems to think that will keep me from strangling them."
Yet she's always patient, even when strangers gawk at her and her five daughters and ask: "Are they all yours?", "Are you done yet?", "Don't you have a TV?"
Susie tells them that raising five girls isn't really so hard (at least not until they're teenagers). After all, "Daughters don't have the same needs as sons. They can live for days on hors d'oeuvres."
So come along for a ride in Susie's full-size van as she faces the trials of Family Rosary and tangles with snide education experts, gruff confessors, and relatives who tell her it's time to wake up and join the "real world."
But Susie's already in the Real World: a happy Catholic family on its way to heaven!
The uninterrupted life
is not worth living
Got questions about Catholic family life? You've come to the right place! As a lifelong Catholic, devoted wife, diligent homeschooler, and mother of seven, Susie Lloyd knows lots of people who just might have the answers for you.
Susie herself is too busy to give advice: busy giving home haircuts and finding missing socks; busy teaching her teen girls to drive, cook, and diagram sentences; busy praying for divine protection while she races off to church (late) in her full-size van. But every so often, Susie finds a few moments to share the wit and wisdom she's gleaned from:
Teaching her kids about the Facts of Life: "Somewhere there must be a book which can aid me in my duty. In it there would be many pages devoted to birds, bees, and flowers. None involving kegs and station wagons."
Quelling her teen girls' phobias: "Top of the list is frumpophobia: fear of being seen in a skirt when every other teen at the party, except the statue of Mary, will be in jeans. It gets worse if your dad thinks it would be lovely not only to wear the skirt but a veil as well."
Strangers who question her family size: "What's funny is, the people who call you nuts really expect you to act sane, and not like this: ‘Nuts? Children, would one of you be a good girl and get the gun out of Mommy's diaper bag?'"
Joining a homeschool co-op: "None of us wanted to quit homeschooling; we just wanted somebody else to do it for us."
As she did in her beloved first book, Please Don't Drink the Holy Water, in these pages Susie Lloyd will charm and edify you with her offbeat — but always pitch-perfect — take on the joys and challenges of raising a Catholic family in today's world.